To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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