the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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