The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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