Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize