Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
