jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
