i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
