That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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