I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
