is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize