At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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