just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
