Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
