Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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