I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
