I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
