cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
