Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize