Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize