I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dicks are not precious.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
