i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that's an acceptable place to lick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
