Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
