We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
