ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
