Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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