A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
