I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
