so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
