I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
be right there i have to get my cape
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
