The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
