My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My vagina is very pro this idea
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
