i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
