were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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