I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
