It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
