His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
