Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
