We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
