yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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