he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
