Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
