Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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