Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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