Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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