Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
