first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
