community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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