I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
