i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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