it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
