kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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