: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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