Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
