go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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