This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
