In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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