THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
