I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize