Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize