How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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