everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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