Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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