I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
