I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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