You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
