Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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