my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
