I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
