Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize