So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk is a universal language darling
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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