I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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