We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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