the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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