Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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