i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
