That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
