It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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