I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
