That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
