oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize