So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
