shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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