I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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