I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
