I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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