Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
