i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
