I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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