dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
