Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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