It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
