I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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