i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
