i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
