But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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