i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
