i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
