I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
