remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
