Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
