how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
