So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
