We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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