The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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