He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
