She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I did not marry a roomba.
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