Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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